Author:
“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.”(Lee,1999, p.51) This quote from Harper Lee’s bestselling book To Kill a Mockingbird completely changed my view on what it means to be a leader.
At the heart of true leadership is a simple yet impactful idea that real courage comes from being vulnerable. In 2021, when I was in a leadership role at my office, I often felt pressure always to have the right answers and to appear confident in front of my team. I believed that showing any sign of uncertainty or admitting mistakes would make me seem weak. However, this mindset only created distance between me and my team. Brené Brown defines vulnerability not as a weakness, but as “the courage to show up and be seen when we cannot control the outcome.” (Brown, 2018, p. 32). I approve of this theory as it challenges the old belief that leaders must always seem strong and perfect. When I used to be a child I thought being strong means leader. Soon I realized being strong might help you win a fight but not hearts. However, true strength in leadership appears when we accept our vulnerabilities, face tough conversations, and confront our fears directly. Leaders often try to hide their fears and insecurities behind a kind of “armor,” as Brown calls it. This armour includes thoughts, emotions, and behaviors used to protect themselves. However, this self-protection can prevent real connections and stop us from taking courageous actions.
One way to handle our vulnerabilities is through self-compassion. This means being kind and understanding towards ourselves, especially when we make mistakes or feel afraid. Neff and Davidson’s (2016) “Embracing suffering with kindness” research shows that treating ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a close friend in need can lead to greater emotional stability and better relationships. It takes me back to the day during one team meeting, I made a decision that turned out to be a mistake. Instead of owning up to it right away, I tried to downplay the situation and shift the blame elsewhere. But deep down, I knew I had messed up, and my team could sense it too. After the meeting, I took a moment to reflect on what had happened. I realized that by trying to protect my image of strength, I was actually undermining my effectiveness as a leader. So, I decided to be honest with my team. I called another meeting and openly admitted my mistake. I acknowledged that I didn’t have all the answers and that I was learning along with them. To my surprise, my team responded with empathy and understanding. By being vulnerable, I was able to connect with them on a deeper level. We worked together to find a solution to the problem. Our bond as a team grew stronger as a result.
By accepting our vulnerabilities, being self-aware, and practicing self-compassion, we can create a culture of courage. This leadership inspires teams to innovate, take risks, and engage genuinely. True leadership is about understanding that courage is vulnerability, and vulnerability comes from self-compassion.
Absolutely, self-awareness, and self-compassion practices can help us cultivate a culture of bravery in the leadership field. Within their teams, leaders who reflect vulnerability, self-awareness, and self-compassion foster open and transparent communication. Team members feel free to voice their opinions and concerns because of this openness. If I talk about myself, I was not a good leader. I usually end up doing all tasks on my own rather than asking others working under me to do it. I did not have much patience. People who relate with my experience could be benefited with self-compassion. Self-compassionate leaders set an example of critical conduct for their teams. By being compassionate and understanding toward themselves, they set an example for how other team members should treat themselves and one another.
I find your perspective on the redefinition of courage intriguing. I agree that the notion that true bravery lies in vulnerability is a powerful and transformative concept. In a world where the pressure to demonstrate strength and certainty can be overwhelming, acknowledging that authenticity and openness are the true markers of courage is both relevant and timely.
Today, in an increasingly complex and changing environment, the ability of leaders to be vulnerable and compassionate is more crucial than ever. The culture of teamwork and collaboration demands leadership that isn’t afraid to show its imperfections and mistakes but rather uses them as opportunities for learning and growth. This approach not only strengthens the bonds between leaders and teams but also fosters a culture of trust and mutual respect.
In a world where the pressure for perfection and public image can be overwhelming, embracing vulnerability as a form of leadership can make a difference in how we relate to others and how we work together to overcome challenges. It’s an invitation to set aside our masks and armor and embrace our shared humanity on the path to personal growth and collective success.
Excellent example, Asma, about how you had the courage to show your vulnerability to your team. Instead of your team looking at your as a failure for making a mistake, they looked at you with respect for having the courage to voice your vulnerability. This is how you lead your team by example. It gave them the courage to also be vulnerable, take chances, make mistakes, and learn from them. Self-compassion is there to help pick you up when you make mistakes. Well said!