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Compassion, a vital emotion in our evolution, has its limitations according to Gilbert (2019). These limitations often lead us to care more for those close to us, while being more reserved towards strangers. However, in today’s diverse and globalized societies, this bias impedes the development of compassion. Gilbert suggests “breaking through these evolved boundaries around caring and helping behaviour”(2019, p.110) , especially for those who struggle with fear, obstruction, and resistance to compassion.
To address this challenge and push the boundaries of evolution, we must understand its underlying causes, which stem from both internal and external factors. Internally, some people with high self-criticism struggle with self-compassion and receiving compassion because of fear (Gilbert et al., 2011). For example, a friend who’s very hard on himself blames himself for everything and rejects sympathy, fearing it’ll make him feel worse. Also, some individuals find it hard to express emotions, like sympathy, in certain situations (Ken et al., 2024). For instance, someone who rarely shows emotions may avoid comforting a friend in need because they’re unsure how to handle it. Externally, cultural norms, social expectations, and personal experiences influence how people view compassion. Some cultures see it as a weakness, like in China, where leaders may worry empathy makes them appear weak. Early experiences, like childhood trauma, can also shape attitudes. Those who’ve faced domestic violence may link compassion with harm, leading them to avoid it for self-protection (Gilbert et al., 2011).
For me, while I believe compassion is universal, I also face internal and external factors that create fear, obstruction, or resistance. I fear my feelings might be misunderstood or exploited, leading me to stay silent. For example, in my past career in China, workplace culture valued toughness and self-discipline, discouraging emotional expression. I worried showing vulnerability would harm my career prospects. Consequently, I avoided sharing my struggles and solving problems alone. Moving to Canada for studies and part-time work changed my perspective. Here, teamwork and support are prioritized over individual performance. I found it easier to communicate and express myself. Gradually, I realized compassion is crucial for team cohesion and growth. So, I’ve been actively overcoming past obstacles, connecting with others, and fostering mutual understanding and support.
References
Gilbert, P. (2019). Explorations into the nature and function of compassion. Current Opinion in Psychology, 28, 108–114. https://doi-org.ezproxy.tru.ca/10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.12.002
Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Matos, M., & Rivis, A. (2011). Fears of compassion: development of three self-report measures. Psychology and Psychotherapy, 84(3), 239–255. https://doi-org.ezproxy.tru.ca/10.1348/147608310X526511
Ken W. Volk, Kristin E. Mehr, & John A. Mills. (2024). Fear of Compassion and Big Five Personality Traits in College Students. Journal of College Student Mental Health, 38(2), 328–340. https://doi.org/10.1080/87568225.2023.2181256
Your blog beautifully explains how compassion can be limited and how we can overcome those limits. I like how you mention that people often care more for those close to them and struggle to show compassion to strangers. Also cultural norms and personal experiences can affect how we view compassion. Your personal story about moving from China to Canada adds a nice touch. It shows how different environments can change our perspective on compassion. I really enjoyed reading your blog.
Your profound observations on the limitations of compassion and the obstacles that stand in its way are impressive. I understand the strain of expectations at work, especially in societies like China where being tough is frequently regarded as more important than being vulnerable. It’s true that striving for perfection all the time might lead to self-criticism when we eventually fall short. This issue is similar to my own, but like you, I’ve come to understand the value of kindness and encouragement, particularly in multicultural settings like Canada. It takes guts to overcome both external and internal barriers, as well as a mental adjustment to embrace empathy and connection. We appreciate you sharing your path to increased empathy and comprehension.
Hi Dorothy Guo! I recognize the type of distress that someone who engages in frequent self-criticism could be experiencing. Self-negative opinions can occasionally be influenced by parental expectations and society norms. While it is socially acceptable in Indian society to be compassionate toward others, self-compassion is rarely spoken. I think Indians are a little harsh on themselves. This frequently results in an environment of competition at work and in the classroom.
One potential solution which you listed in your post is “emotional expression”. Self-compassionate emotional expression entails respecting humanity and fragility of an individual . Rather than criticizing oneself for experiencing a certain emotion, people should accept their natural flaws and show themselves the same compassion and consideration they would extend to a loved one going through a same circumstance.
You brought up some excellent points. We often show compassion to those more similar to ourselves as we can empathize easier to those who are closer to us. However, if we are aware of this tendency, then we can work at showing more compassion and empathy to those who are more disimilar to us as well. This is especially important in diverse societies such as Canada. Often we feel a need to portray ourselves to be tough and not show emotions, especially in the workplace, which can make us push away our feelings and can lead to burnout. It is important to practice a self-compassion break when we notice 🙂