Author:
“In addition to receiving and being sensitive to compassion from others, we need to develop the capacity to be sensitive to our own suffering and commit to trying to relieve and prevent it, hence self-compassion is important” (Gilbert, 2019, p. 110).
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot of books. In most of those books, it was said that the person was trying to “discover” oneself. I used to be amazed by the fact of how can you discover yourself. I know myself, or that’s what I thought. I know my name, age, parents, nationality, and bloodline. I mistook my identity as myself. Later when I reached adolescence I became confused, who am I? What are my values? I started to judge myself mostly based on the mistakes I made. I identified myself with my flaws. In that process, all my flaws became my identity. I reached a point where I just found flaws in myself. With the help of family and friends, I started to see my qualities as well. At first, I wanted to remove all my flaws however as I grew older I knew you can’t remove all your flaws. These flaws are also part of yourself. So I started accepting them and made peace with it. As Neff and Davidson highlighted self-compassion means acknowledging and embracing one’s own suffering rather than avoiding it. Similarly, they suggest that self-compassion involves recognizing that challenges and imperfections are inherent in life and should be met with warmth, kindness, and acceptance, rather than resistance.
I share this viewpoint, as I have experienced the transformative power of self-compassion firsthand. Instead of escaping our struggles, we should confront them with acceptance and compassion. I believe when you start being compassionate towards yourself, you can be more compassionate towards others.
References
Gilbert, P. (2019). Explorations into the nature and function of compassion. Current opinion in psychology, 28, 108-114.
Neff, K. D., & Davidson, O. (2016). Self-compassion: Embracing suffering with kindness. Journal of Positive Psychology, 37-50.
I wholeheartedly agree with your viewpoint. When we learn to have compassion and acceptance towards ourselves, we can truly understand and respect ourselves, and navigate life with greater resilience. Self-compassion doesn’t mean indulging in our mistakes or ceasing to strive for improvement. Instead, it means facing challenges and failures with understanding and kindness towards ourselves. The Chinese proverb says, “知错能改, 善莫大焉 (Zhi cuo neng gai, shan mo da yan).” It means you should realize your mistake and try your best to correct it. This emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our mistakes and striving to correct them.
Additionally, in Chinese philosophy, both Daoist and Confucian thoughts emphasize the inner balance of individuals and harmony with nature. This includes accepting and understanding our internal conflicts and contradictions. Therefore, from the perspective of Chinese cultural traditions, self-compassion is a profound expression of human care, nurturing inner virtues, and fostering social harmony and development.
I am pleased to learn that you are seeing your imperfections in a new light. We all have imperfections, and it makes us human. Like Dorothy said, it is not about indulging ourselves, but it is about accepting our imperfections with kindness and understanding 🙂