The Heart of Social Transformation – Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

I would like to talk about an important tool that will strengthen the connections between us.
Nonviolent communication is a communication method developed by American psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg. At a very early age, Rosenberg was introduced to the element of violence that dominated human relations during his childhood in the 1940s. For this reason, he started looking for answers to two questions since his childhood: First, what drives people away from their inherent compassion by pushing them towards violent and exploitative behaviors? Secondly, why don’t some people give up their inner compassion even in the most difficult circumstances?

Rosenberg’s desire to find answers to the questions he asked led him to receive a doctorate in clinical psychology and to study nonviolent communication, which he calls “the art of living from the heart.” Rosenberg and his friends, who first carried out studies aimed at finding peaceful solutions to racial conflicts in the USA, founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication in 1984 in order to disseminate this method to wider audiences (Rosenberg and Chopra, 2015). Rosenberg conducted a significant part of his studies with the support of Carl Rogers (Rogers, 1977). His works focus on the destruction caused by social pressures (Freire, 1971) and the reconstruction of true love (Fromm, 1956).

Nonviolent Communication paves the way for transforming conflicts, healing our relationships, and peace with its applications in various fields, from private relations to the working environment, from health and social services to police officers, prison employees and detainees, from schools and education to social transformation organizations.

Nonviolent communication is a way of communication that directs people to give wholeheartedly. Nonviolent communication is based on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to act humanely even under challenging circumstances. Nonviolent communication allows us to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, from a new perspective. Nonviolent communication is one of the methods created by taking into account Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (Maslow, 1943).

Nonviolent Communication contributes to fundamentally improving the quality of our relationships by helping us understand the other person with empathy without compromising our own values, and focusing on expressing our true feelings and needs with open-hearted honesty, that is, our vulnerability, without blaming the other person.

Nonviolent Communication achieves this with the help of four elements Rosenberg and Chopra (2015):
To OBSERVE independently of our judgments;
Realizing the FEELINGS directly in our hearts;
Expressing our NEEDS by expressing our values ​​and aspirations;
Making REQUESTS expressed in clear and positive action language.

Assumptions Underlying the Practice of Nonviolent Communication
1. All people share the same needs.
2. All behaviors are attempts to meet needs.
3. Emotions indicate needs that are met or unmet.
4. The most direct path to peace and tranquility is to connect with ourselves.
5. Choice is internal.
6. All people have the capacity to feel compassion.
7. People enjoy giving.
8. People meet their needs through interdependent relationships.
9. Our world offers abundant resources to meet our needs.
10. People change.

Situations That Prevent Communication
Communication That Prevents Compassion: There are some forms of communication and language use that cause the individual to behave violently towards himself and other people and negatively affect the non-violent communication process.
Moralistic Judgments: Classifying and judging people increases violence. Value judgments are reflections of beliefs about how life can best be served. Moralistic judgments are the judgments made about people and behaviors that do not comply with value judgments.
Making Comparisons: Another way to make judgments is to make comparisons. Whatever the subject, someone who makes a comparison is actually making an evaluation.
Other Forms of Communication That Alienate Life: Communication that alienates life has deep philosophical and political roots. Communication that alienates life both originates from hierarchical or oppressive societies and supports such social structures.

It includes practices in non-violent communication, including various meditations and numerous activities.

Rosenberg explains the two different languages ​​used as jackal and giraffe languages. He participates in his events with these two puppets. Jackal tongue symbolizes a judgmental tongue. Giraffe, on the other hand, refers to the language of speaking from the heart, as it is the animal with the largest heart in the world.

Typical expressions often said by those who use the jackal language are as follows:
Analyzes: “This is wrong because…”
He criticizes: “That mistake you made…”
Comments: “You do this because…”
Makes evaluations: “You are smart/lazy, you are right/wrong…”
Threatens: “If you can’t do it right away, then I will…”

Typical expressions often said by giraffe language users are as follows:
Observations before evaluation: “You look out the window when I want to talk to you. What’s wrong?”
Expresses one’s own feelings honestly or cares about the other person’s feelings: “I’m worried.”, ‘I woke up unhappy today.’
He is aware of their needs and makes them feel that he values ​​them: “I want to know how you are. “, ‘I want to be with you.’
Makes clear and satisfying demands based on needs: “What would you like to do? “Tell me what you need and let’s talk about it.”

What kind of language do you often use when communicating with your spouse, children or other people around you?

Freire, P. (1971). Pedagogy of the Oppressed. Herder and Herder.
Fromm, E. (1956). The Art of Loving. Harper & Row.
Maslow, A. H. (1943). A Theory of Human Motivation. Psychological Review, 50, 370-396.
Rogers, C. R. (1977). Carl Rogers on personal power. Delacorte.
Rosenberg, M. B., & Chopra, D. (2015). Nonviolent communication: A language of life: Life-changing tools for healthy relationships. PuddleDancer Press.