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I came across a quote that said, not to cross oceans for people who would not even cross a puddle for you. And I read a counter statement that said, cross oceans and climb mountains for people, no matter what. It is always about what you give, and not what you gain. Compassion is all about giving, without hoping for anything in return. But I’ve always wondered, where does it stop? Does it ever stop? It kept my head occupied for quite some time and I came to the realization that there is a fine line between ‘enough’ and going ‘overboard’ with compassion. To know and to stay within this fine line could be difficult, even if it is you who deserves that act of self-compassion. For example, self-compassion is about loving and motivating yourself, getting up from that couch and doing what you like, something that would make your day even more brighter and shiner. In Western culture, we usually value treating people with kindness, but we don’t usually value treating ourselves like royalty (Neff & Davidson, 2016). I would not say it is one’s culture that makes them harsh or cruel on themselves. It could be those barriers that would not let them express themselves (Paul, 2019). Mindfulness, Self-kindness, and Common Humanity are components of self-compassion. I would say, all of them are intertwined. If you are mindful of yourself, then you would be able to show kindness to yourself. If you can do that, you can wholeheartedly give what you have in excess. Everyone deserves love and kindness. There is something my brother would always remind me, in whatever you do, do it from your heart and make sure your heart is in the right place.
REFERENCE
Gilbert, P. (2019). Explorations into the nature and function of compassion. Current Opinion in Psychology, 28, 108–114. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.12.002
Neff, K. D. & Davidson, O. (2016). Self-compassion: Embracing suffering with kindness. In I. Ivtzan & T. Lomas (Eds.), Mindfulness in Positive Psychology, 37-50.
Your reflection on compassion resonates deeply. Balancing giving to others and maintaining self-compassion is indeed challenging. As you mentioned, compassion should flow from a place of mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity. When we nurture ourselves, we’re better equipped to genuinely support others. It’s vital to ensure that our giving doesn’t deplete us but stems from a place of abundance. Your brother’s advice is spot on—acting from the heart ensures that our intentions remain pure. Ultimately, it’s about finding harmony between offering love to others and being gentle with ourselves, fostering a cycle of genuine compassion and self-care.
I totally agree with you that we do not usually treat ourselves as royalty, for someone like me, I mostly put my children and family first ahead of me and forget to do better for myself which is not bad, its important to love and show kindness to our loved ones and people around us, but at the same time there should be a balance. Hence, I am learning to keep loving on myself and doing the things I love to make me happy and shine through even in the face of adversity.
You brought up an excellent point about maintaining balance. We cannot give to others what we cannot give to ourselves; otherwise, it can lead to burnout. However, compassion is also not about expecting anything in return. Compassion is about giving to others while maintaining a balance through self-compassion practices.