Author:
Author: Jaideep Singh
One can’t live a life devoid of suffering and pain. For this reason, as an educator, I remind my learners, colleagues and parents that sometimes, we fail, make mistakes, and feel berated and inadequate. Amidst all this, we must remember to turn compassion inward toward ourselves. Self-compassion is how we encourage, offer ourselves acceptance, build a support system and boost our psychological well-being. I try to be kind, understanding and supportive when dealing with shortcomings in my life and those of others.
Self-compassionate behaviour involves treating oneself with compassion and kindness as opposed to self-judgement. It brings to our realisation that all of our experiences- both negative and positive- are a part of who we are as human beings. Self-compassion entails an acceptance and balanced awareness of the emotions, thoughts and situations related to our suffering rather than letting these situations control us.
According to Neff and Davidson(2016), self-compassion involves turning towards one’s pain and embracing it with compassion and connected presence. Self-compassion changes pain in a way that improves resilience, psychological well-being and managing challenging feelings and thoughts. It is important to inculcate and nurture an attitude in learners of conquerors and not perceive ourselves as victims of unwanted experiences.
I believe that not everything turns out the way you hope. We as human beings are all living in the same reality, a reality with shared experiences of suffering, imperfection and failure. This is a truth that I trust prepares learners to feel compassion for themselves and other people in the experience of life and work with it rather than resisting it.
Finally, self-compassion is not self-pity. I believe self-pity tends to make people ruminate on things in an egocentric ‘why me’ thinking. I do not encourage self-pity because people lose sight of the challenges that other people are facing in favour of their own. Nurturing self-compassion enables learners and people to recognize the shared experiences of the self and others while fostering their well-being.
REFERENCES
Neff, K., & Davidson, O. (2016). Self-Compassion: Embracing Suffering with Kindness. https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Neff-and-Davidson.2016.pdf
Mey, L. K., Wenzel, M., Morello, K., Rowland, Z., Kubiak, T., & Tüscher, O. (2023). Be Kind to Yourself: the Implications of Momentary Self-Compassion for Affective Dynamics and Well-Being in Daily Life. Mindfulness.https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-022-02050-y
We all face hard times, make mistakes, fail, feel unhappy which is normal and happens to everyone. Knowing that we all go through difficult times makes me feel less alone and it also connects me to others who are struggling.
Another aspect which stood out for me is being kind to yourself, by accepting your flaws without being too hard on oneself. For me I like to say positive words to myself, it makes me manage stress well and improves my mental health. Remember, self-compassion is about caring for yourself, while self-pity is about feeling sorry for yourself.
Incorporating self-compassion into daily life helps individuals navigate the inevitable ups and downs with greater ease and resilience. By treating themselves with the same compassion they would offer others, individuals can enhance their well-being, improve their relationships, and approach life’s challenges with a healthier, more balanced mindset.
The discussion on teaching self-compassion to students resonates deeply, particularly in the context of China’s high academic expectations. For instance, a second-grade student of mine was devastated by scoring 93 on a test, even saying he “didn’t want to live.” This highlights how societal and familial pressures can impose undue psychological burdens on children, regardless of their achievements. To foster self-compassion, we can guide students in mindfulness meditation to alleviate anxiety, teach them to accept their emotions without judgment, use positive and kind language to boost confidence, and establish support systems for assistance. Additionally, educating parents and other students to raise awareness about self-compassion can create a healthier, more supportive environment for academic and personal growth. This comprehensive educational approach not only reduces potential psychological stress but also teaches students to positively confront life’s challenges, enhancing their resilience and positivity. Thank you for sharing your insights; it has sparked a series of reflections.
Excellent discussion on how self-compassion can increase resilience and teach students how to bounce back from adversity. As discussed, it is not self-pity which is about feeling sorry for oneself. We all have a common humanity of failures. How we face these failures is the important factor.